This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
