I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
