the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
