I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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