She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize