yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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