quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize