So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
