I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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