I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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