please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
