why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
