I wanna passion pit in your ass
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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