So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
