I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
