you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
