I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
