Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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