The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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