thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
