he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
