your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
