I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
