Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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