I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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