My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
