He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
