someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
