Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
