My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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