dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
