he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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