The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
