My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize