I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
