so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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