I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
