I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
