I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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