when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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