Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
