she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
