Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
