he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
