He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
