Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
