This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
