I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
