How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
