oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
