apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
