i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
