i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
