yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
