Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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