I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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