i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
