Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We are all done wearing pants today
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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