At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
