My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
