I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
