what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
