i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
