I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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