he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize