Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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