dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
