I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
