Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize