There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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