Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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