dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
