No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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