I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
