So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
well you can't waste a boner
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
