My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
