Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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