clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
