do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
