honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can text with my tongue
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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