I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
