I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
