Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
