i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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