Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
