Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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