so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize