He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
