I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
