She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
