You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
