I am puke
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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