I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
