forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
